I read a quote once, as you do being a tortured little soul trying to find answers and expressions of your own inner feelings; quotes always make them seem much prettier than I ever could.
It was this:
Sometimes I just read back over it, just the way it’s written sort of enticed me from the very first look; I had always thought this, I had never wanted just a surface kind of love where you wear his hoodie and hold hands walking down the road or turn up to parties and cling to eachother all night to show your ‘loyalty’.
I never wanted to just feel nice and content the whole time and take cute pictures for Instagram and respond to the comments of ‘how cute!’ What I wanted was far more, I wanted my love to feel magical and unending like we were the only people on earth, I wanted it to be all consuming to the point of sickness, I wanted it to be adventures in central London during summer and exploring hidden streets and conversations of God and existence on rooftops at 4am. I wanted it to truly engulf me; i didn’t want it to be lukewarm.
Is that even healthy? Probably not because when it ends it would destroy the whole soul but I honestly do not care; in the moment it would be everything.
And yes, maybe it is cliché and too much of a fantasy to even come true I mean we’re not in a tumblr world or the notebook but, if people can create these stories surely they must exist somewhere?
And so, everytime I think of the word lukewarm I think of that quote and how I never want that sort of love, I truly want it to burn my lips and engulf my soul….